OK, I admit, I am guilty.
I have coveted.
More often than I should.
Ten years ago, we didn't have a house to call our own. We were temporarily living with Chris's generous sister, trying to save up to buy something... anything. I was enormously jealous of anyone who had even a shack to call their own, and some of the houses we had been looking at were just that...
Then it happened. We found a developer who was building very cost efficient, basic homes in a new neighborhood, and their smallest model was in our price range. I felt so blessed. Our first house!
I
pampered that house; spent hours scrubbing it's floors and washing it's walls. Life was perfect, for a while.
Five years later we had two more kids, and one more on the way. Things were starting to feel crowded. Ours was the smallest house in the neighborhood.
Here came the coveting again.
Chris was growing tired of commuting to Salt Lake every day, which gave us a good excuse to look at relocating. He was making more money now and we could afford something bigger too.
We looked. And looked. And found the "perfect" house being built within his work district, in Saratoga Springs. It was beautiful, with windows galore looking out on the mountains behind us. My mom said she felt like she was in a vacation home when she came to visit.
(it was not finished yet in this photo, obviously)
It was lonely though, the other houses in the neighborhood were still being built and we were alone up there. I had no friends, and I missed my neighbors in Payson. I was again guilty of coveting... this time, my old neighborhood and friends.
We lived a whopping five months there.
Then it happened. Again. Chris found himself working for a new company in Iowa. I was pregnant at the time and unable to house hunt with him, so he had to choose something for us.
He found a two-year-old home in a very nice neighborhood, where everyone kept immaculate yards around huge colonial style homes. Unfortunately, I was very spoiled at the time, always having bought new houses, and I remember walking into this one and feeling a bit disappointed. It smelled musty. There were ugly borders in every room, and the paint was what Chris called "Post-It note yellow". It was a huge house though, and we soon made it our own with a little elbow grease and new paint. By the time we left, I loved that house. Moving was very hard.
Fast forward a few years to now. We live in the type of home I have always dreamed of, not as huge as our Iowa one, but it's beautiful inside... granite counter tops, hardwood cherry floors and trim, large wooded lot... a dream home. It was built as an exhibit for the Parade of Homes but unfortunately didn't get finished in time.
Strangely, now I'm having second thoughts. I'm not sure I really deserve it.
This home was the picture of perfection when we moved in, but now...
There are holes in the walls from doorknobs knocking, superglue stuck on the counter tops, corner baseboards chewed up by the dog, stains of who-knows-what spotting the carpet, neverending dishes waiting in the sink, dings and constant muddy footprints marking the hardwood floors, and the beautiful wooded lot is littered with dog poo.
I feel like the neglectful mother of a genius child.
Why is it I just can't seem to keep up? Maybe, deep inside, I just don't really want to.
The old adage that the "dishes can wait"... yeah, they really can... I'd rather take the kids out sledding before the snow melts. Or paint a picture with Ella while the kids are at school. I'm starting to realize that these years won't last. 3 year olds are soon 13 year olds who don't want to hang with mom.
So maybe I don't deserve this house. It's too good for me. It deserves more attention.... And lately, I have been guilty again of coveting, just a little bit.
Coveting those people who live in homes that are old and broken in, who don't have to clean each new fingerprint on the wall because they already have so many that they all just blend in. People who only have one or two toilets that needs scrubbing, or just a tiny kitchen floor to mop.
Don't get me wrong, I do love this house. I'm not ready to trade it in, even through all my guilt. I'm just saying...
"As a rule, man's a fool...when its hot, he wants it cool...when it's cool, he wants it hot...always wanting what it's not... never wanting what he's got"
Yeah.
"Perfection" is not very realistic, I guess. When you change one thing, you lose something else. You trade privacy for friendship... free time for a job well done. Can't have your cake and eat it too. I suppose it's best to just enjoy wherever you are at and try to keep the coveting to a minimum.
Hmm, I suppose I should get back to cleaning...
Yeah right :)
snowboarding,...
